FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
