He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
