I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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