yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
