when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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