she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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