First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
