I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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