porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
