when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
