I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize