He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
