Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
