weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I cockslap morals
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
