I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
