If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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