We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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