The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
