I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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