I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
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