dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
