what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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