In the future we'll all be gay
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
