I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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