I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
