Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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