His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Mom said you looked used
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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