Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
