who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
