This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize