I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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