The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
