My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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