Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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