I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
