dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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