I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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