The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
