I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize