I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
