the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
