I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
