my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
