i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
