dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
