Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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