Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
