i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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