Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
