I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
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