Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
