She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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