you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
