why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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