I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
