Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
