Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
