I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
