thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
