If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
