wake up i wanna do it froggy style
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
