i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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